Marry Me a Little (or the 25 Percent Solution)

I had a rather intriguing "marriage proposal" over the weekend. Hear me out first before you start to comment.

I was chatting on the phone with someone I dated a couple of summers ago. I liked him a lot, but we only went out a few times before he told me that he didn't think we were right for each other. We have managed to remain friends, however, and have attended movies together and gone out to dinner and even went to Long Beach Pride last year. He's a very nice guy, very smart (Ph.D. in one of the sciences), and, I think, will make a good catch for someone someday. Just not for me. Or, at least, not all of me. Hold on. I'm getting there.

The subject of marriage in California now being available for gay people inevitably came up. I don't know of anyone gay who hasn't been talking about this. I've been wondering if anyone I know is going to get married, and I'm still waiting for an invitation to a wedding. We were on the subject of possible summer weddings when he startled me. He said that he'd actually thought about marrying me. Then he quickly added: "But only about 25 percent of you."

I know what you're thinking because I thought it too. What 25 percent of me is worth marrying? What quarter of me is so attractive that someone who dumped me two years ago would consider taking me as his husband? Before you let your mind wander too far there, let me reassure you that he wasn't talking about my physical presence (ahem). Although that would be extremely flattering, wouldn't it?

No, what he was trying to tell me was that he still found me appealing in terms of the fun we have together when we hang out. He says I always make him laugh, and too few of the guys he has dated since we broke up make him feel like he's having a good time. I guess the 25 percent is all personality. That's quite a letdown in some respects. I want to be desired for my body, but to be realistic, I guess the personality is what's going to hook them after all.

He elaborated on his thinking by telling me that what he really wants is a guy who's a mixture of attributes from several of the men that he's dated. Sort of a gay Frankenstein's monster, I suppose. (Or just "monster," if you think all the rest of it is redundant.) I'd supply the entertaining personality, and I guess someone else would have to provide the body and the ability to line dance and the desire (or ability) to lie about in the sun all weekend long and whatever else he wants in a man.

I never did learn from him why we broke up. He still won't tell me. But I did get some consolation from him during this whole marriage proposal business. He said that it's not as if the other 75 percent of me is bad or anything like that. In fact, he says I rate a "B+" overall. Gee. With praise like that, it's a wonder my head isn't spinning. Too bad I never purchased a fainting couch. I guess I'll just have to loosen my stays and lie on the living room sofa until I recover.

So there you go. The one marriage proposal I'm likely to get this summer, and it's only for a part of me. The rest of me is feeling a little dejected, but I guess I just have to work on improving the percentage for the next one.