Nutty Neighbors: Late-Breaking News

I know that I should keep you updated more often on the neighbors, but work takes up so much time these days that it's difficult to let you know about every crazy little thing that they do. For example, should I tell you about the loud fight they had last evening? It's not the first argument they've had, mind you, but this one lasted for a couple of hours and there was a lot of yelling involved. However, since they seemed to have made up this morning, perhaps I'll instead update you on a couple of other interesting items.

Item 1: For the past couple of weeks, the key case (you may recall it was very cleverly marked "KEY CASE" so no one would suspect what it is) disappeared from the door frame out in the hallway. The Boyfriend and I speculated about the possible reasons--she lost the case as well as the keys, they have no friends to leave the keys for any longer, he started stapling the key to her clothes every morning--but we reached no conclusion. However, I returned home one night earlier this week to find that the key is still being left in the hallway, just in a less conspicuous fashion.

Yes, that's the edge of the rug in the hallway. Yes, we're back to leaving the key under the rug. Yes, we're also not being very careful about how exposed our key is.

Item 2: Despite the months of having the key case (or, as if you prefer KEY CASE) on the door frame in the hallway and despite now having the key under the mat, Godzilla still sometimes locks herself out of the apartment and has to call the security patrol to let her into her home. It's a $50 charge each time, so it's costing her some money to do this. However, that's not the most unusual part of this. Several weeks ago, we received a memo regarding the complex's policy on dogs. It clearly states (in bold letters and some all capital letters, no less): "Pet Dogs are NEVER allowed in any Tower unit." You may recall that I live in one of the towers in the complex. Godzilla just happened to be sitting in front of her apartment with a dog in her lap when the patrol officer came by to unlock her door. He told her that he would unlock the door but reminded her that dogs were not allowed in the tower apartments. He even mentioned that we had recently received a memo about this issue. I am quite certain that Godzilla didn't read the memo, since most of the memos or phone books or fast food brochures wind up lying on the floor outside her apartment for days until someone else picks them up. She responded that she was just taking care of the dog for a friend--you know, dog-sitting. That's when the patrol officer reminded her of another provision that was included in the memo: "NO visitor or guest dogs are allowed on the property." She asked him to open her door anyway and said that she would take the dog somewhere else that night. You know, of course, how this turned out, don't you? The dog stayed the entire night, and it whimpered every time she left the apartment. Thankfully, its owner must have picked it up the next day, and there's been no further sign of a dog on this floor. (As for other floors, well, that's another story. Apparently, it isn't just Godzilla who doesn't--or can't--read memos.)

Item 3: For the past four days, there has been a box in the hallway outside the door to Godzilla and Hermey's apartment. It's the box from a new printer for a computer, and there is a printer inside. The Boyfriend thinks it's a brand new printer, complete with printer cartridge sitting on top. I think it's an old printer, maybe the one the new printer replaced, with a cartridge that won't fit the new one. Nevertheless, it just looks a bit trashy to leave one's garbage outside in the hallway, especially since we don't have door-to-door pick-up of garbage. Neither Godzilla nor Hermey will take the responsibility to move the box down to the garbage bins in the basement, and The Boyfriend is threatening to take the printer and sell it on Craigslist.

I guess it's not all that intrusive.

It just sticks out a bit and I know you can just walk around it, but I'm sure if you're a considerate tenant, you can think of ways to make it less of an obstacle.

You'd think if someone has the ability to move a box so that it doesn't stick out into the hallway as much as before, that same person could carry it to the garbage chute or to the basement so that the hallway doesn't look like the start of an episode of Hoarders.

This certainly isn't the first time that Godzilla and/or Hermey has left garbage in the hallway. Thankfully, it's usually only paper products like the new phone books or those fast food menus I mentioned above (or those helpful, informative memos from the apartment complex's owners). Still, you'd expect grown-ups to want their place to look a bit nicer than this, particularly if they are still going to have friends come over to visit. Then again, I guess I don't have much evidence that the people living next door are actually grown-ups.

Advice for Advisors

I've been the advisor for a student club on my campus for fifteen years. As the years have progressed, I've noticed that the bureaucratic demands have only increased. To be more accurate, they've gotten worse, and I've gotten more frustrated. Sometime, perhaps when I'm feeling less wounded from the experience, I'll try to recount what happened in the spring when the club wanted to put on a drag show as a fundraiser. It was, simply put, a nightmare and one of the busiest times I've ever experienced as an advisor. I even started to think that that it might be institutional homophobia since the club is for LGBT students and their friends and supporters. However, when you receive an e-mail like the one below, you start to realize that it isn't at all personal. The bureaucracy treats everyone badly.

I received this e-mail from the person in charge of all of the clubs on campus. It was meant to give students some ideas for how they might "earn" some money for their club activities. It's not that unusual, frankly, because a lot of clubs and other groups at colleges and universities go to tapings of television shows. They just don't have to deal with as much paperwork as we do. You should know that the person who sent this e-mail is very well-intentioned, but as you can tell from the following, maybe a bit too hung up on forms.

"Here's a fun fundraising/event idea, however please keep in mind that such events should be planned at least 6 weeks in advance to meet the campus timelines and process requirement.

"(FYI....There won't be enough time to turnaround approvals for these October events, however, keep this type of event in mind for future.)

"For fundraising events such as this, please remember to:

• "Start planning at least 6 weeks in advance
• "Obtain information/agreement/co. forms from the taping co. Be sure to read the details very carefully. Pls check age requirement
• "Seek availability of appropriate advisor to attend/supervise event
• "Seek Club approval
• "Submit FC Pre-Approval Form for Club Events to Student Affairs with fundraising form
• "Once approved, submit Master Calendar request
• "Complete FC Agreement/Contract Packet and forward to Co to sign. This contract is needed back at FC Student Affairs at least 3 weeks prior to the event to obtain FC signatures (per the FC President, there are no exceptions)
• "Submit Field Trip Request with waivers/participant agreement forms to Student Affairs at least 6 working days prior to the event for campus approvals (for FC Students, Faculty and Staff only)
• "Once event is approved by the campus, then you can begin to promote the event, as normal (submit Distribution of Printed Materials form with copy of flier to Student Affairs; obtain signage approvals through Student Affairs)
• "Once payment is received from company, complete the reconciliation part of the copy of your initial fundraiser form (including advisor's signature) and submit it with the deposit form (with advisors signature) and payment to Student Affairs for processing.
• "Enjoy!"

Well, that should be simple enough, shouldn't it? I think that last bullet point must have been ironic. If you've survived all of the preceding steps of the process, you won't have the energy to enjoy your time at Chelsea Lately or Dancing with the Stars or Let's Make a Deal.

I have tried several times over the past few years to convince some other faculty or classified staff member to take over as the advisor to the club. We used to have four advisors. In fact, there were times when the advisors outnumbered the club members. That's actually how the LGBT employee group got started; we were talking together at a student meeting and decided to form our own organization. Times were simpler then, and more people were able to be involved in things like advising. Can you imagine finding a replacement now if she or he found out about what the school demands just to travel to a taping of a television show? And don't even ask what you'd need to submit if you wanted to take one of the school vans to the event.