I shouldn't let these things bother me. I know better than to read them. Even if there are lots of good comments, I'm going to obsess about any negative ones. It isn't fair of me to do that to myself, yet here I go again.
Periodically--and perhaps this is where I go wrong--I do check out the ratings of professors on the internet. I'm on a couple of the websites, and every now and then I just want to see what people are saying. My college doesn't really have a formal system of student evaluations after you receive tenure, except for once every three years. That's a little too large of a gap for my comfort, but it's what our union has "allowed" at this point. I'd like to know more about what's working and what isn't working in my classes from time to time.
When I've read the posts about me or about some of my colleagues, I've noticed one trend. Students are usually far too kind and generous in their praise. I think they give us so much positive reinforcement when, at times, we don't really deserve it. I know that I don't think I'm anywhere near as good of a teacher as those sites would indicate if you looked at the majority of the comments. I still struggle every day to do my job well, and I always try to think of new ways to reach students, to try to get more of them to understand how to be better writers. It's a struggle, certainly, but I do enjoy my job. And I want to do it better if I can, so that's why I sometimes read those ratings.
Just as an aside... this must be somewhat similar to what performers feel about reviews or the way that authors of books feel about critical reactions to their work. No wonder some people claim never to read their notices. However, I certainly understand the impulse that students have to share information about their teachers; I even applaud it, really. Students should know what other students think, both good and bad.
However, just last week, this was posted on one of the more popular sites, one that is visited a lot by students on our campus: "seems he will grade hard; i agree with you guys--he say things that are totally nonsence and ridiculous, yet considering himself funny. i don't enjoy his 'jokes' at all." That's the full message. Don't get distracted by the typos; they appear that way in the original, but that's hardly my focus in this rant (and it is a rant, I know).
The use of the verbs "seems" and "say" and "don't enjoy" makes it pretty apparent that this is a student currently enrolled in one of my two summer school classes (yeah, I do know which class, if not which student). We had met four days before this was posted. Four days. I have graded two reading quizzes so far, no essays yet. How can someone determine how tough a grader I'm going to be on the basis of two reading quizzes? Either you did the reading or not; I'm not grading you harshly if you didn't read and answer the questions. The students don't even have a rough draft of their first essay due until tomorrow, and the first essay's final draft isn't due until Thursday. Should I already be determining who is going to be a weak writer on the basis of four or five days of class with no more substantial evidence than a feeling? That would seem to be fair if this student's approach is valid.
I have no idea what comments of mine are "totally nonsence and ridiculous." Perhaps everything I say falls into this category. I have tried to make the study of writing something that is not so fear-inducing for students. I try to relate the lessons I teach to examples they might be familiar with, and when I ask them to share ideas, I do the same. Maybe those are things I shouldn't be doing. I want an environment where students aren't feeling intimidated by me or the other people in the room, but perhaps I'm making it too relaxed and they think they aren't learning anything serious in the process.
As for the charges of my un-funniness, this is not the first time they have been leveled at me. I suppose I do, at times, find odd things funny, but I'm not really a joke-teller. I know faculty members who are, but I don't think of myself that way. I am certainly a storyteller, and I do sometimes laugh about things I've said or done. If I were being truly unkind, I suppose I could admit that having a 19-year-old college kid find you funny is hardly something worth caring about. Other students do laugh sometimes when I say something that might be construed as funny, but I don't lose a lot of sleep over it when they don't. It's not as if I'm testing new material for my nightclub act. It just bothers me that this is such an important issue to this student (and to others like him or her).
I told a class last year that I thought one of the more interesting trends among the postings about me was this issue of being funny. Some seemed to think that I am; others think I'm not. Is this really a serious issue for someone trying to learn how to be a better writer? Is this really a criterion that students should have in mind when trying to pick a teacher? I know they prefer someone who is entertaining, perhaps even someone who makes them laugh, but does that necessarily translate into a better education? If I'm too serious tomorrow, will no one learn anything? If I'm too funny (which apparently is not an issue at all for some people), will too many of them learn? Can I have them laughing in the aisles so much that they all earn A's?
Look, I'll be the first to admit that I'm no comic. I'm not the best teacher on campus. I'm not an easy grader. And I'm not "hot," which is also one of the criteria that you can find on this particular website. (The very notion that a 19-year-old might find me "hot" makes my flesh crawl, frankly. What a revolting idea.)
You don't have to write to defend my honor. I know it's only one post and only one person. I know that there are lots of students who have enjoyed my classes and have perhaps even learned something despite my sense of humor. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, and it won't after a while. And I know I have certainly gone on about this for way too long. I just had to share a bit of frustration. It's tough when someone criticizes you for a trait that is completely unrelated to your job performance and is allowed to get away with it without any sort of repercussions. I think students sometimes think of us as machines, as if we are incapable of being hurt by their comments, as if we aren't humans at the end of the day who think about what people say about us. I just needed some space and a bit of your time to acknowledge my all-too-fragile humanity, that's all. I'm already feeling better.
2 comments:
Any press is good press, dahling.
There are only a few reasons I don't like professors. The first is bad jokes. I don't mean jokes that aren't to my liking, or corny, but I'm referring to jokes that are sexist, racist, ageist, or are self-aggrandizing and egotistical. You might be surprised at the number of professors who make these kind of jokes with little to no regard for sensitivity levels among students. I am currently taking a professor who on the first day made a joke about "satisfying your mother last night," and lamented an error with an "oh shit, I fucked that up." This is a syntax class with mostly English majors, and mostly women, and this instructor is the department chair. He is very smart -- but when instructors joke crudely in this way, I feel a little bullied.
There was also the Western Civilization class I took at Fullerton this summer, where the middle-aged instructor took pot shots at religion and women, and spoke vaingloriously of his German heritage and exploits. No, I didn't appreciate the bias behind the humor in his remarks that only the uneducated "really believed in the Greek gods."
I also don't like it when professors are unclear, and even worse, unwilling to communicate. That was the case with that American Lit professor of personal fame last Spring, but in the end, that was more a learning experience for me, in the sense that I was exposed to the more competitive and cold natures within the academic realm. That was only a little more than a personality clash, as I also thought the lack of discussion in that class was disheartening.
But if a professor "grades hard," or gives "too much homework," or "makes me have to think on my own without everything handed to me and I only fill in the blanks," well no, I don't find these aspects off-putting. I suppose the question is, how many students come to college because they want to learn? Probably a handful. There are other reasons that can motivate students to do well, but to really learn -- that's a rare inspiration.
I'm also going to take issue with the fact that not only do you get positive feedback, but you get feedback that I can only imagine others drool over. I appreciate your quality, in that you do look at the situation with a thoughtful attitude, but this particular comment wasn't meant to be helpful; I think it's just another example of how the internet has made a multitude of voices audible, when really so many have nothing to say. These few lines were haphazardly clacked off, probably because someone was hoping to read that you grade like a sheep with wool down over his eyes, and the bit about not enjoying your jokes at all is most likely related to a cultural misunderstanding, or perhaps a intelligence deficit.
I know I'm being cheeky here, but you are hilarious. I remember you saying some little thing in class, and I had to cover my face and simply shake with laughter. I'm not your average bean, though. I can appreciate that some will not "get" you, and honestly, I hope some won't. I need some sort of division that makes me feel better about myself. If any don't "get" you, it's their loss. And I mean that! It's quite sad, due to the amount of enjoyment I get from listening to you.
And I'm not always going to be this forthright, but sometimes you get this stance going that is very strong and, dare I say, it, hot. But I tend to find intelligence and sarcasm sexy. Plus, anyone who likes me and gives speeches about me that members of my family regularly comment on as "The Speech," as in, "did you hear The Speech" and "I've never heard anything like The Speech," and "who was that man that gave The Speech," well, anyone responsible for all this is pretty hot.
You make me blush.
It's funny, but just writing that post somehow freed me from worry. There was an even more blunt one posted on Tuesday about my honors class, and it didn't even faze me. I think I just needed to get it out of my system.
Odd, isn't it, how much we take to heart what others feel about us? Both good and bad, I mean. It can make such a difference in our moods when someone comments on us, yet we probably never really contemplate how much power our words can have.
Thank you, my friend, for all of the nice things you said. If you reread "The Speech"--how funny that your family calls it that--realize that I meant every bit of it.
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