Good (But Not Great) Friday

Today was my follow-up visit for the skin cancer surgery. I've been dutifully following the directions my doctor gave me for wound care, and he said today he could see that I had done a good job. I had developed, however, a hematoma (?) that was causing some of the problems with continual bleeding. He seems to think that he solved that problem today. Unfortunately, it makes the site of the surgery look even worse than it did before. I won't describe it; you should be spared some details, trust me.

I didn't sleep much at all last night, worrying that the area had become infected or that the "flap" surgery didn't work out or...well, just everything that could go wrong. But the doctor reassured me that everything was fine, and I'm on my way to recovery. We'll just have to wait and see how well it recovers, what it might look like when it's done and what we might have to do as a result. He says it has to heal from below first, so I'm going to do all of the things I've been doing (the vinegar-and-water soaks, the antibacterial ointment, the bandages, the no-vitamins-or-aspirin thing). I just have to keep doing it for the next two months or so.

As an aside, I know that the dermatologists want you to look at the site of the problem so that you can understand what they're talking about. I just don't know if I can handle it. I've managed (mostly) to keep myself from tearing up about this, about the prospects for my nose and face as it heals, about the way that I look now, but looking at it makes that very tough to do.

And while I'm a bit off topic, why does Kaiser put dermatology in the same building as pediatrics? It's that way in Panorama City and at my usual medical office down on Venice Boulevard. Is there some connection that I'm unaware of?

So I guess I'm going to work on Monday morning after all. I'll have to get up earlier to get through all of the process that I undergo each day now. And I'll have to take some back-up stuff to campus with me. I had originally thought about calling in sick for the next week, but really, that's just postponing the inevitable. I'll be bandaged throughout the rest of the semester, so I'm going to have to explain it at some point. Might as well just get it over with. Let them say whatever stupid things they want to say. Let them point and snicker. Let them do whatever. I'll manage somehow to get through the days until I can take this bandage off for good.

I've been feeling a lot of regret this week. Regret that I didn't take better care of my skin when I was younger. Regret that I didn't get this treated sooner. Regret for so many other things too, I guess. I know I have almost all of the common risk factors for skin cancer. I guess there are some things a bit beyond one's control, but had I known more when I was younger, I might have tried. (The most interesting thing my mother said to me when I was first diagnosed with skin cancer four years ago: "But you don't even like going out in the sun." True. I was always more of an indoors guy.)

Do I need to ask you again to stay out of the sun? Or, at least, use as much sunscreen as you possibly can? No one should have to go through this. Most of the people in the dermatologist's office today and last Friday were older people, yet each year the statistics are picking up younger and younger people (some in their teens) with skin cancer. Please don't add yourself to those numbers.